Courage versus Strength – two very different words often used interchangeably. On a recent retreat in Bali these two words showed me just how very different they are.
Strength is not a word I particularly like.
My dislike of the word stems firstly from its overuse by others to describe me because of the difficult parts of my journey they have witnessed. Secondly it comes from it being a word often awarded by others as a badge of honour to people who have survived tragedy, trauma, hardship and cruelty in their life.
People who have described me as strong are not inaccurate, nor have they used the word inappropriately. I am strong, but there is so much more to having strength.
As much as my strength comes from determination and grit, it also comes from stubbornness; An inability to let go of some things; From the unconditional love for my children that burns like an eternal flame deep within my being that at times causes irrational actions not thought through.
Being strong created impenetrable walls around my heart; An imbalance of masculine energy within me; A disconnection from my feminine essence; A defensiveness that permeated every aspect of my life; Self-imposed isolation. Being strong shut down my feeling body, intuitive senses and my gentle heart.
When I was told I was strong I saw it as a reward. I felt that I was doing something right and I was liked when I was strong, not when I was weak. It drilled strength into my core operating system as my modus operandi – “To be loved I have to be strong”.
My strong dislike of the word strength comes from what I see everywhere I look, and what I experienced. The commendation it is heroic or commendable to be strong no matter how battered by life, people, experiences, trauma and tragedies you are.
That you are a battle worthy warrior capable of taking a hit and getting back up again.
That you don’t need anyone or anything because you are strong and will overcome anything life throws at you.
That you don’t need anyone or anything because you are strong and can sift through the rubble, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get back on with life until the next hit knocks you down and then you do it all again – because you are strong.
You get left alone a lot when people see you as strong.
Strength is heralded as a superpower. It is rewarded with praise and recognition from others. It is awarded like a badge of honour to be able to take what life, people and experiences throw at you and not be dragged under by it.
It feels too normalised to be strong, almost patronising and diminishing to the depth of difficulty some people traverse in their life journey. We celebrate the knocks, hurdles, chaos, betrayals, deception and abuses by commending a person’s strength to survive it, rather than being horrified by the experiences.
Courage is a very different word.
The words at the very end of my writing were offered in our morning circle on the day we visited a Balinese Healer and Sacred Water Temple. The day that unfolded demonstrated these words deeply to me – in the most beautiful yet confronting, intense yet profound ways.
I saw so much of my previous self in the words. I saw so much of my authentic self in the words. By the end of the day I truly appreciated how much courage I have found and how much strength I have let go of. I am grateful for being strong, but I am now more grateful for my courage than my strength.
I believe you have to have courage to find strength. That you can’t have strength if you don’t have courage, but you can have courage without strength.
Courage is where the bravery is. It is where you dare to be, see, do or think a different way about something and to create the change you desire. You do not need strength to create the change, you need the courage to start and may/may not find strength along the way.
Courage is vulnerability which is soft, emotion filled, faith in uncertainty, heart led self truth that only you know how it feels.
Courage is unwavering self-belief and self-commitment that you listen to despite the external noise around you. It is the heart speaking, not the head thinking.
My lesson in courage and strength began at the Balinese Healer and continued over an 8 hour period. I lost my physical balance. From the moment the Healer finished her time with me I couldn’t balance properly. I was put on my backside the second I went to stand up, needing to recalibrate before trying again. My head felt disconnected from my physical body and I felt separate from the environment around me. I went through a cleansing process before we set off for our lunch location.
As we walked into our venue I got overwhelmed and disorientated again, having to leave for a bit to settle and ground my energy.
When we arrived at the Sacred Water Temple I almost toppled down the very steep and numerous steps leading down to the temples. I stumbled into the first pool and fell into the second.
Losing my physical, energetic and emotional balance was confronting. It wasn’t strength that got me through, it was courage. It was the courage to trust what I knew despite what I felt.
Courage to believe what I knew – that my imbalance came from the cleansing and clearing process of the Healer, the personal work I’d begun 2-3 weeks before Bali, and the purification process of the Sacred Water Temple.
Courage to continue one foot in front of the other despite how my physical and emotional body was feeling.
Courage to trust my knowing without knowing (intuition) and surrender to the process.
Courage to rely on a beautiful friend to help me navigate the terrain (literally).
Courage to receive the wisdom of a different culture and allow it to support me in my growth.
Strength was absent that day, but courage was plentiful.
As I reflect on the difference between strength and courage I am grateful for both, but these final words best surmise my new relationship with these different words. For me strength helps you survive, but courage helps you live.
“Small powerful moments of courage create a life fully lived”.
It takes strength to be firm – It takes courage to be gentle.
It takes strength to stand your guard – It takes courage to let your guard down.
It takes strength to conquer – It takes courage to surrender.
It takes strength to be certain – It takes courage to have doubt.
It takes strength to fit in – It takes courage to stand out.
It takes strength to feel a friend’s pain – It takes courage to feel your own pain.
It takes strength to hide feelings – It takes courage to show them.
It takes strength to endure abuse – It takes courage to stop it.
It takes strength to stand alone – It takes courage to lean on another.
It takes strength to love – It takes courage to be loved.
It takes strength to survive – It takes courage to live. (Author unknown)
